Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
