I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
