He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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