Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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