True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
