Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
