Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
