What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
