i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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