shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you made out with another girl for some wings
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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