i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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