i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
