apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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