went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize