nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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