yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
