chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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