Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
