i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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