Please, let me fuck your mom
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
