so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
