Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
