i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
