Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
