my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
