yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
