I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
