grandma shit on top of the toilet
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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