My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
