I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
