Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
