Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
