how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
