I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
