Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
