Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
