I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
