when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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