Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
