Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
