I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
