you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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