You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
