My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
