You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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