I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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