what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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