I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
