Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
