just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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