I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
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