so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
