If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I intend to get homeless drunk
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
