Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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