WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
