I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
