Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
now i know why i became what i already was.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
