I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
