Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
