I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
