his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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