Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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