In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize