he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
