He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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