new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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