i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
