She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
