Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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