I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize