i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
