And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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