Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
he had hair everywhere except his balls
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
